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How can parents help kids deal with facts about COVID?

by Kristen Fescoe
written by Kristen Fescoe

As fear and anxiety spread about the coronavirus pandemic, many parents are left asking how they can help their kids understand. School closures, shutdowns, and cancellations have left parents and kids alike trying to figure out how to deal. To help parents help their children cope with and understand what’s going on, here are some tips.

Even before the coronavirus pandemic, just watching the daily news can be enough to spark anxiety in almost any adult. Natural disasters, violence, unrest, and a general lack of safety seems to be everywhere. Our teens and tweens are constantly bombarded with the dangers of our modern world, and it’s so important to address the stress that this adds to their lives. 

The rising fear surrounding the coronavirus outbreak can cause a lot of anxiety among kids. They may worry about things such as:

  • What if I get exposed to the virus?
  • What if someone I love gets it? 
  • Why is everything shutting down? 
  • What if I have it and I don’t know it? 
  • Why are people so panicked? 
  • Will life ever go back to normal? 

As a parent, it can be difficult to know the best way to prepare your children to deal with this barrage of information. Here are 5 simple things you can do:

#1: Acknowledge their fears 

As parents, we sometimes have an overwhelming desire to shield our children from the realities of our world. Telling them things like “don’t worry” or “everything will be fine” feels like the right thing to say to comfort them, but in the long run, this might actually create more stress for them. 

The reality is, kids are smart. They listen, they have access to social media, and chances are, they know more than you think about what is going on in our world. So, if they feel like you are not being honest with them, you won’t be able to provide a sense of support for them. 

By stifling the urge to minimize their fear and acknowledging how normal it is to feel this fear, you will help your teen feel supported and heard. Encourage your kids to talk, with statements such as, “What have you seen or read that makes you feel worried?” Or even just a simple, “do you want to talk about everything going on?” 

#2: Open the dialogue

The first step to helping your kids handle the stress of what they are hearing about COVID-19 and all the other scary things facing them today is to start talking. And yes, teenagers are not always the most talkative. Especially when it comes to talking to their parents or about what scares them. This is why it’s up to you to get them talking. 

Many parents find it helpful to talk about their own concerns (obviously, within reason) to get their kids started. Some things you might want to talk about include:

  • What exactly is the coronavirus and how does it spread? 
  • How many cases have occurred locally? 
  • What is being done to keep the illness from spreading in your area? 
  • Discuss local closures and why those were implemented. 
  • Ask kids what about the pandemic is causing them the most stress.

#3: Listen

This may seem like an obvious one, but when talking about something that probably scares you, parents often want to talk and don’t do enough listening. Keep in mind that your teen is hearing a lot of information – both true and false. You are the ideal person for them to come to and talk through it all. Just be sure to make them feel validated, even when some of what they want to discuss seems a little off the wall. 

Remember, if they can’t bounce some of the untrue things they are hearing off you, who will they talk to? And what information will they get?   

#4: Answer their questions

One of the most important things you can do for your children, in the face of a crisis, is to answer their questions. As they hear other kids talk or they see things online, they may have more questions than answers. Giving them the floor to ask their questions—big and small—can be huge in calming their fears. 

Make sure they understand that they can ask, even if they have questions that might sound silly.

#5: Stay calm 

The single most important thing you can do to help your child deal with an outbreak, like the recent coronavirus, is to remain calm. Even at times when it feels like the whole world is turned upside down, they are going to be looking at you as a model for how to react. 

This might mean that you have to take steps to deal with your own stress, as kids can sense it and feed off of it. Do what you need to do to stay calm in the face of a potential crisis. This doesn’t mean that you can’t voice concerns, but do it in a constructive and calm way. 

What NOT to say

While we talked about some things that will be helpful to discuss with your kids, here are a few things to steer clear of to keep your kids fears minimized:

  • “You’re not at risk” – Avoid outlining which groups of people are the highest risk for complications. While it might initially ease your child’s fears about their own health or their parents, they will eventually identify loved ones in that age bracket.
  • “Don’t worry about it” – Try not to minimize their fear. If they are afraid or worried, pushing it aside isn’t going to help. 
  • “It isn’t a big deal” – Even if you are not personally impacted by the virus in a major way, the level of chaos and disruption is unlike anything they have experienced before. 
  • “You don’t know what worry really is” – This one goes for just about every stressful situation that kids experience but even more so in this instance. 
  • “That’s a stupid question” – When it comes to fear and worry, there really is no such thing as a stupid question. 

What else can I do to help my kids?

In an effort to help families deal with this crisis, I developed a free program for Resility Health that offers a series of guided meditations and lessons to reduce stress and calm fears about the virus. We know that the coronavirus threat is creating a great deal of stress and anxiety, and it’s important that we manage our body’s response.

The new series can help kids and their parents deal with coronavirus fears and can now be downloaded for free on iOS and Android.

Twins Magazine is not affiliated with Resility Health.

Understanding how to talk to your kids about the coronavirus will go a long way in helping them deal with the fears and anxiety that surround it. Be open, honest, and calm; and don’t try to push away their fears. Keep the dialog open so they can come to you when they need to talk. 

For more information about the current COVID-19 outbreak, you can visit the Center for Disease Control page on the coronavirus outbreak.  

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Kids Health

7 Myths about Fevers 

by Kristen Fescoe
written by Kristen Fescoe

Parental concerns about fevers are a common reason for midnight visits to the emergency room. With the bewildering assortment of oral, rectal, skin and ear thermometers, along with dozens of varieties of fever-reducing medicines, a whole fever-phobia has developed in our culture. Fever should certainly be respected, but it should not be feared. Let’s dispel some of the myths surrounding this symptom, and hopefully your life will be a little less stressful when your twin’s internal furnaces are working overtime.

MYTH #1: Fevers cause brain damage

This is perhaps the most commonly held fever myth, and one that I have to discuss almost every night in the ER with worried parents. Fevers that are due to infection, even those reaching heights of 105°F, will not cause brain damage. It is true that aches and pains can accompany high fevers, and the fever can even produce some nonsensical or babbling behavior, but high fevers will not permanently injure your child. (Brain damage will occur in body temperatures over 108° F, which only results from environmental conditions—a child left in a closed car in hot weather, for example).

MYTH #2: Fever seizures are harmful

There is nothing quite so frightening as to observe your precious child seizing in front of you. Fortunately, fever seizures rarely last more than a few minutes and do no permanent harm. Thankfully, children who have had febrile seizures are not at increased risk for learning disabilities, developmental delays, or epilepsy.

MYTH #3: All fevers need to be treated

Fever does not have to be treated. Why? Because treating the fever will not help combat the underlying disease process. However, because fevers above 102° F can sometimes cause discomfort, it is reasonable to treat these fevers with acetaminophen or ibuprofen liquid.

A few words of caution: It is not necessary to soak or sponge your child with cold-water baths—this only reduces the fever for a few minutes. And never use rubbing alcohol to cool your feverish child. Alcohol is toxic to infants, and will be absorbed through the skin.

MYTH #4: Without treatment, fevers will just keep getting higher

Our brains have a wonderful internal thermostat that will stop a fever from getting higher than 105-106° F—whether you treat the fever or not.

MYTH #5: With treatment, fevers should return to normal

Aggressive fever treatment may not always work. Or it may only lower the fever a degree or two. Or may only keep the temperature down for an hour or two. Knowing this, be careful not to get frustrated and over-treat a feverish child, risking an overdose. Remember: the fever is not the real problem.

MYTH #6: The higher the fever, the more dangerous the illness

This can be a dangerous myth. A child can be quite ill, with a serious infection like pneumonia or meningitis, and yet have a low grade fever or no fever at all. Conversely, benign viral infections, that do no harm, can cause high fevers that are unresponsive to fever-lowering medicines.

How your child appears (does he look sick?) is far more important than how high his fever may be.

MYTH #7: Any temperature higher than 98.6 is considered a fever

A normal person’s temperature changes throughout the day. Furthermore, the range of “normal” temperatures can vary several degrees. Most pediatricians define a fever as any rectal temperature above 100.5°F.

In summary, fever is simply a warning sign that an infection may be present. Think of it like a subtle grinding sound that suddenly appears from your car’s engine. Upon hearing such a noise, would you wrap your engine in soundproofing material and start wearing earplugs, so that you could no longer hear the grinding? Or would you have a mechanic investigate its source? Likewise, relax about the heat, while you begin a search for the flame. 

Steven Sainsbury lives in San Luis Obispo, Calif., and is the father of eight in a blended family, including three surviving quads, now 21 years old. He’s been writing medical articles for TWINS since 1986, and has worked as a full-time emergency physician since 1985.

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Family Health

Social Media, The Internet, and Mental Health

by Dr. Erik Bean, Ed.D.
written by Dr. Erik Bean, Ed.D.

Never before has information, both useful and destructive, been more available than now. The useful information and accompanying graphical components do not need an explanation. We can simply say we are grateful for the technology, the immediacy, and the accuracy of the information we choose to absorb, to lead a productive and happy life. After all, it is through apps and social media we can instantaneously communicate with family, friends, and work, to more effectively enjoy the day and plan for tomorrow. But this access can have a negative impact on our youth. For years we have seen the popularity of social media grow and we have all heard stories of tragedies associated with it.  Children and teens suddenly find themselves caught in a self-esteemed pickle judging their sense of worth by the number of likes or lack of likes their post may yield. 

And for young people interacting over the Internet, the temptation for abuse and to wander to areas dubbed the “dark web” can lead any “well adjusted” individual into addiction or worse, isolation and loneliness, let alone those with compromised mental health issues. Even if they do not become victim to the dark web, there is a preponderance of “fake news” and even “fake ads.” This phenomena is documented in my own paper, Industrial age advertising identifies solutions for a 21st century social network driven world at the Internet, Politics, Policy 2018: Long Live Democracy conference at Oxford. The most fascinating walk away from the conference was that so called normal or well-adjusted individuals may from time to time reshare information about a political candidate they want to see elected even if they have not properly vetted that information for accuracy and its source. We are all responsible to read between the internet lines and use information wisely. The implications for our youth can be even more consequential than in adults.

Youth who exhibit any number of traits along the “atypical” categories are among those most at risk when it comes to properly understanding information, interacting with social media, and the internet. For example, kids struggling with anxiety, depression, or a plethora of other mental health issues. 

On top of the strains of social media, these children face other battles as well. Some face difficulties socializing or deal with a mental illness, but it is not properly treated because age becomes a barrier. My son, Ethan, took his own life. He was autistic and struggled socially. He also was an example of a child who could never get an accurate diagnosis because of his age. He had a mood disorder and found himself in the juvenile justice system. Despite his struggles, we never believed he would take his own life. Honestly, I don’t believe any parent expects it or sees it coming. However, suicide rates continue to climb. For each child the reasons vary, and it could come from multiple feelings.

An 11-24-19 report on the CBS television show 60 minutes showcased a team from Carnegie Mellon University who believe for many people who take their lives, their brains are wired differently. These feelings of taking their life may not be necessarily tied to a current situation or atypical diagnosis. So it might not be about medication to deal with the feelings as much as that scientists might be able to rewire brains so the feelings of ideation can be curtailed. 

As a result of my son becoming a foot soldier of the mental health crisis ending in his life, I intend to raise awareness in schools and beyond. I have met with a state senator and plan to testify before a Michigan legislative committee about the juvenile justice system’s handling of children with mental illness. The system is flawed and needs adjusting for children like my son. It’s too late for him, but by joining forces and through education I believe we might be able to slow it down.

My book, “Ethan’s Healthy Mind Express” — co-authored with Emily Waszak — went on sale on Amazon on Nov. 23, International Survivors of Suicide l Day. The book we believe is the first children’s mental health primer and we include 5 lessons including a warning to avoid the dark web, areas of the Internet that can lead to isolation or mistrust. My wife, Stacey, and I hope to use the proceeds from the book to go into schools with the Ethan’s Healthy Mind Express story. 

My wife and I also started the Ethan Bean Mental Wellness Foundation (EBMWF) with a mission to help distribute the latest research and information to assist in leading an international conversation about mental wellness and let each individual family decide how to best mitigate the potential risks. 

It takes the whole community. As we say in the book, “It’s not just the train, it’s really the track!” meaning it’s not just the kids who need to understand how to get along, the community must consider new ways to help inclusion and new ways to combat feelings of suicide for those with suicide ideation. . I never want Ethan to be forgotten. He felt like he was. Our public school system couldn’t help him. Our juvenile justice system couldn’t help him. Only we, as a community, can create the change necessary to ease the suicide epidemic. It is up to us to protect our youth.

Resources:

Here are good resources on exploring the internet and its societal affects, to simply let you know who they are so you can follow them how you see a fit knowing yourself, your children, and your family. 

Educational:

Governmental:

For additional information on the Internet and mental health, see this study published on Aug. 13, 2019, in The Lancet, Roles of cyberbullying, sleep, and physical activity in mediating the effects of social media use on mental health and wellbeing among young people in England: a secondary analysis of longitudinal data. 

The research community is waking up to the risks and hopes you stay tuned to the EBMWF so we can take this information and aid those we reach.  We are just establishing ourselves and open to collaborating with other like-minded people and organizations for the sake of better mental health for all.

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