School Age – TWINS Magazine https://twinsmagazine.com The Premier Publication for Multiples Since 1984 Thu, 24 Mar 2022 02:54:25 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.6.2 https://twinsmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/cropped-Heart-2022-600x600-1-32x32.png School Age – TWINS Magazine https://twinsmagazine.com 32 32 Twins in School – Advice from a Teacher and Parent of Twins https://twinsmagazine.com/twins-in-school-advice-from-a-teacher-and-parent-of-twins/ https://twinsmagazine.com/twins-in-school-advice-from-a-teacher-and-parent-of-twins/#respond Tue, 20 Aug 2019 14:15:48 +0000 http://staging2.twinsmagazine.com/?p=7922962 In over 10 years in the classroom, I have taught multiple sets of multiples – some together and some apart. Despite years of training and experience, I have never been advised on how to adjust my practice to create the best learning environment for twins. It wasn’t until I became a father of twins that […]

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In over 10 years in the classroom, I have taught multiple sets of multiples – some together and some apart. Despite years of training and experience, I have never been advised on how to adjust my practice to create the best learning environment for twins.

It wasn’t until I became a father of twins that I realized how many ignorant mistakes and blunders I must have made. I struggled to distinguish between identical twins. I spoke to multiples as if they were each other’s keeper. I once even failed to realize that a pair of fraternal twins were related.

As my own fraternal twins are now a year away from entering preschool, I find myself reflecting upon my practice and feeling compelled to share how my newfound experiences with my own children will affect how I support multiples moving forward. Simply put, this is the advice I would give to any parent, colleague, or administrator about teaching my own children.

Twins are two separate people

No matter the age or context, twins deserve to be seen and valued as independent, unique persons. As an educator, it is your responsibility to get to know and support twins as individual students – just as you would any child in your care.

With some simple acts of mindfulness, you can help ensure that twins feel comfortable as individuals in your classroom and school community:

  • Refer to each twin by name. There is perhaps no more dehumanizing experience for a multiple than always being referred to in generalizations like “The Twins” or “The Smiths.” For identical twins, make it a point to learn how to differentiate them.
  • Keep your curiosities in check. While it is true that twins share a unique experience that can be intriguing, individual multiples deserve to decide to what degree they want to share about (or even identify as) being a multiple. Don’t treat twins like a sociology experiment.
  • You don’t need to provide identical experiences and opportunities for each twin. A professor once told me “There is nothing more unequal than sameness.” This holds true for multiples. Just because one sibling is given a special privilege or is selected as a volunteer for an activity doesn’t mean the other sibling must be as well.
  • Avoid twin vs. twin comparisons. Much like avoiding sibling comparisons year-to-year, it is even more important to do so with twins (whether they are in the same classes or not). Ability and interests are a combination of nature and nurture. Just because one twin shows an affinity for something doesn’t mean the other will as well. Similarly, one twin’s struggle is not necessarily the other’s. Teach, assess, and support multiples on a personal level – just like you would any other individual student.
  • Don’t create twin vs. twin competitions. Whether it’s in a classroom game or the grade book, pitting multiples against each other is a no-win situation. In my practice, I definitely have made passing comments to individual twins about each other thinking I was providing playful motivation. Now, as a father of twins, I understand how this does little more than send the message that they are each being regarded as merely half of a pair.
  • Parent contact should be focused on one student at a time. Just because you may wish to discuss one twin with a parent does not mean that you have to have something to say about the other. Furthermore, formal conferences should be scheduled separately to establish dedicated time for each student – no two-for-one bundles!

Be the example for your students

There are plenty of things you can do in your own interactions with multiples to make each child feel heard, understood, and cared for. That said, you also set the tone for how multiples are treated by their peers. If you call them “The Twins” or regularly compare them to each other, students will too. This establishes and reinforces a pattern that could follow the siblings throughout their school careers.

Even if you are doing your best to individualize twins, many kids probably still won’t. Set expectations that every student deserves to be called by their own name and treated as their own unique person. Be attentive to how twins are being treated and interject when appropriate. The combination of being both proactive and reactive will help lay the groundwork for multiples to enjoy the comfortable learning environment they deserve.

Together or apart should be the parents’ and students’ decision

Last but not least, the big question with multiples is often when or whether to separate them. It starts at home with things like bedrooms and bath time, but few decisions are more agonizing than what to do about school.

My wife and I (both educators) have gone back and forth on this issue since we found out we were expecting twins. Next fall, our kids will go to school for the first time. Even now, we aren’t totally sure what the right call is. That said, we are adamant that it will be a call we make as a family.

Schools and educators are often put in difficult positions when it comes to requests made by parents on behalf of their children. It can feel like an outsider is imposing circumstances (some that may contradict the educators’ own professional opinions) on both working conditions and a child’s education.

Now that I have a foot in both camps, my advice to schools when it comes to multiples is this: while the input of educators may be valuable, it is only one set of voices in a much larger conversation. Families of multiples (and the multiples themselves) share unique insights and experiences that you cannot truly comprehend second-hand. Offer your advice, but let families ultimately decide whether together or apart is best.

In the end, if you are approaching multiples with attentive care, personalized educational experiences, and the support they need to grow, you will do right by them. As a parent and teacher, I am both hopeful and thankful that there will be those that do exactly that for my own children.


Sheldon Soper is a father of twins, content writer, and New Jersey school teacher with over a decade of classroom experience teaching students to read, write, and problem-solve across multiple grade levels. He holds teaching certifications in English, Social Studies, and Elementary Education as well as Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in the field of education. You can follow Sheldon on Twitter 
@SoperWritings and check out his other projects on his blog.

 

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Majority of both parents, students wish they spent more time planning for college costs https://twinsmagazine.com/majority-of-both-parents-students-wish-they-spent-more-time-planning-for-college-costs/ https://twinsmagazine.com/majority-of-both-parents-students-wish-they-spent-more-time-planning-for-college-costs/#respond Sun, 11 Aug 2019 23:28:06 +0000 http://staging2.twinsmagazine.com/?p=6923254 But more than half of parents are talking with their children earlier about paying for college CLEVELAND — Despite the fact that a significant number of families are having tough early conversations about paying for college, a new Citizens Bank survey shows that they still wish they had more time to plan, and the process […]

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But more than half of parents are talking with their children earlier about paying for college

CLEVELAND — Despite the fact that a significant number of families are having tough early conversations about paying for college, a new Citizens Bank survey shows that they still wish they had more time to plan, and the process is more difficult than expected.

In its second annual Student Lending Survey, Citizens found almost one-third (30%) of parents say that they first spoke to their children about paying for school when they were in the 8th grade or earlier, and more than half (53%) before the end of their child’s freshman year. While this is an encouraging trend and suggests that families are looking more closely at the long-term implications of student loan debt, a smaller number (9% when their kids were in the 8th grade) were actually looking into loan options available in the market during that time.

“While it is encouraging that more families are having the conversation early about the realities of paying for school, the data shows that 63% of parents still wish they had more time to navigate a difficult and confusing process,” said Brendan Coughlin, president of Consumer Deposits and Lending at Citizens Bank. “It’s clear that more has to be done to help prepare students for the future — whether it is through helping them navigate paying for college or educating them on how to manage their money by establishing savings and checking accounts.”

An interesting theme emerging from the survey suggests that students are looking more closely at the long-term impact of student debt. Parents (57%) are slightly more likely to agree that the cost of college was worth it versus students (50%). Compare that to the fact that a smaller percentage of students than parents (51% vs. 58%) believe that parents should help their children pay for college.

Overall, families are still paying for college through a combination of different sources that include both income and savings and also both Federal and private student loans. To that point, the survey showed a wide gap on families’ savings strategies — 44% of parents have started to save for their kid’s college education before their child’s 11th birthday, while 38% report setting aside no savings at all. This means that families are often looking around at the last minute to fill any funding gaps.

“As tuition bills are sent out to families with children attending college this fall, it is important that they look at all of their options to fill any funding gaps,” said Coughlin. “For those who choose student loans, private student loans can be a good option and may offer lower rates depending on an individual’s credit profile.”

While these trends are encouraging, more than half of parents (55%) and students (56%) still report that the entire process of researching, comparing, and selecting a student loan was much more difficult than they thought. Two thirds (66%) of both parents and students agree that paying off student loans has taken longer than they expected. Additionally, 63% of parents and 60% of students say they wished they looked into college financing options earlier.

Citizens Bank is a leader in student lending and offers numerous borrowing options for credit-qualified students, graduates, along with their families including the Citizens Bank Parent Loan, Citizens Bank Student Loan, and the Citizens Bank Student Loan with Multi-Year Approval. In addition through its Education Refinance Loan, Citizens Bank is the only national bank to offer refinancing options for both private and federal student loans to credit-qualified borrowers.

Survey Methodology:

On behalf of Citizens Financial Group, Comperemedia, a Mintel Company, conducted a nationally representative online survey of n=2,053 respondents, with n=1,036 parents and 1,017 students included. The survey was developed to generate insights on attitudes toward cost, affordability, and ROI of higher education; Contribution of parents and students in paying for college/higher education; Discussions between parents and children on college financing (e.g., timing, format, role of admissions counselors); And decision factors in choosing a college (e.g., programs offered, campus, cost, etc.).

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Supporting your Twins different learning styles https://twinsmagazine.com/same-but-different-7-tips-for-achieving-success-for-twins-with-learning-difference/ https://twinsmagazine.com/same-but-different-7-tips-for-achieving-success-for-twins-with-learning-difference/#respond Wed, 27 Feb 2019 15:41:53 +0000 https://staging2.twinsmagazine.com/?p=1922735 Connor and Crystal loved playing in preschool and at home. Their home was hectic, and overly busy while they were continually exploring, coloring, playing, jumping and running – usually in different directions. Learning has been different since they entered kindergarten.  Connor loved to learn, explore, and try new things when he was in preschool, but […]

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Connor and Crystal loved playing in preschool and at home. Their home was hectic, and overly busy while they were continually exploring, coloring, playing, jumping and running – usually in different directions. Learning has been different since they entered kindergarten. 

Connor loved to learn, explore, and try new things when he was in preschool, but that changed when he started school as a kindergartener. He appears to be just like his sister and peers, except that he has a really difficult time learning to read, write, and understand math. Despite his best efforts and the efforts of his parents, Connor still struggles. Connor is bright, very talented in sports, and is likeable. He realizes he needs extra help that his friends don’t need. Learning is not getting easier, and now Connor feels different. He is saying to his parents, ”I hate school” “I can’t do anything right.” Worst of all Connor has let “different” become his identity. Connor is unhappy at school and has no confidence, embarrassed that he can’t be more like his friends.

Connor’s twin sister Crystal loved preschool, too. She now loves kindergarten. She loves exploring, learning, and being with her peers. She goes to school with anxiety, because when she’s in class she can’t seem to pay attention. She doesn’t follow her teacher’s directions, and she sits quietly, hoping the teacher won’t call on her.

As a parent, having twins is an enormous responsibility. Balancing each child’s needs, at the same time, while trying to balance your own needs and keeping it all together day after day after day, is a huge job. As parents of twins you may find yourself being extremely sleep deprived trying to meet the needs of two precious children at the same time. You may think that when school starts you will have more time to yourself to do what you want, only to find out that as your twins enter school, one twin or both twins may begin to be “left behind.”

Unfortunately, there are many, many children who are bright and struggle with reading, spelling, math, and overall learning, as well, as social interactions. Yet most are not eligible for special education services or school-sponsored tutoring programs. These children are often misunderstood, as they appear to “not try” “not listen” “not get along well with others” or “have a bad attitude.”

Often times their behavior is misunderstood as they can appear to be oppositional not wanting to go to school when they actually don’t understand what the teacher is saying, and so the wrong assignment is done, which leads to staying in class and finishing an assignment while classmates go out to play.

Peers may begin to perceive these children as “not smart” when in fact they are smart. In our academic world, often times being “different” is seen as being wrong rather than what it is – different! Yet Connor represents so many children who are bright, talented, and gifted but are feeling badly about themselves. He has lost his confidence and joy, because so much emphasis is put on academic achievements, rather than being based on his talents and skills. Also having a twin sister who seems to fit into school, even though she seems to have her own learning difference, makes it much worse for him.

Cherish

When a twin or both twins demonstrate learning differences, it is important to CHERISH each one by using these 7 tips:

Communicate your love equally to each twin so as not to favor one twin over the other A twin without a learning difference may be easier to love. 

Help discover each twin’s learning style to access learning, and jump-start success. Twins, as similar as they may be, will not learn in identical ways, even though they may look as if they do.

Engage a team of professionals, therapists, tutors, etc., who have worked with children with learning differences to assist your child. Enlist other parents who have children with learning differences who can support you, and join you to establish goals for your child. There is strength in numbers.

Reach out and encourage each twin to discover activities, hobbies, sports, arts, etc., so talents and skills can be used, and happiness and success experienced. Remember comparing one twin to the other is not an option.

Include going to bat for your twins in order for them to experience success, confidence and happiness. You know your twins best. Advocacy is a process.

Share special and equal amounts of time with each twin. Make each one feel important.

Honor and value each twin for his or her own uniqueness. Avoid playing favorites.  

Learning to CHERISH each twin with a learning difference allows you to see each child’s individuality, recognizing each one’s strengths and needs. All children deserve to be confident and joyful inside or outside of school.

Source: Drs. Deborah Ross-Swain and Elaine Fogel Schneider are speech-language pathologists. Their new book, Confidence & Joy: Success Strategies for Kids with Learning Differences (Crescendo Publishing, Nov. 1, 2018), provides parents and educators with tools to help children with learning differences realize lifelong success.

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://twinsmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/AUTHORHeadshot-DrElaineFogelSchneider100x100.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider is CEO of TouchTime International and author of the best-selling 7 Strategies for Raising Calm, Inspired, & Successful Children.[/author_info] [/author]

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://twinsmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/AUTHORheadshot-DrRossSwain100x100.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain is a licensed speech-language pathologist and CEO of the Swain Center for Listening, Communicating and Learning.[/author_info] [/author]

 

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The Twin’s Guide To Surviving High School https://twinsmagazine.com/the-twins-guide-to-surviving-high-school/ https://twinsmagazine.com/the-twins-guide-to-surviving-high-school/#respond Tue, 06 Nov 2018 04:01:50 +0000 https://staging2.twinsmagazine.com/?p=922388 High school isn’t all bullies and cliques, but it isn’t all fun and games, either. It can be tough! And surviving high school with a twin can be even more challenging. In a new interview conducted among high schoolers, sets of twins were interviewed regarding their experience growing up. To ensure the twins weren’t able […]

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High school isn’t all bullies and cliques, but it isn’t all fun and games, either. It can be tough! And surviving high school with a twin can be even more challenging.

In a new interview conducted among high schoolers, sets of twins were interviewed regarding their experience growing up. To ensure the twins weren’t able to influence each other’s answers, these interviews were conducted separately.

So, was growing up with a twin really like it is in the movies?

“For me, it wasn’t anything special; he was just my brother; it is nice having someone your age and to have your back all the time. He’s always there for me and I am always there for him,” answered fraternal twin, Carly O’Leary.

For identical twins, it seems the only factor was that teachers would mix them up occasionally. Fraternal twins were sometimes told that they weren’t twins since they didn’t look alike so a little convincing was needed to prove that they truly were twins.

However, there was one common thread among all the twins who were interviewed. In each case, every twin said that they argued more like children, whether they liked growing up together or not.

By the time they reach high school, most twins are able to carve out an identity separating them from their sibling. As twins begin to experience some of the typical conflicts throughout high school, these challenges can become a bit more difficult.

An estimated one-third of adults claim they had a rivalry or distant relationship with their sibling growing up. High school is often where these rivalries come to a head. Individuals begin to explore friendships, romantic relationships, and begin to form a sense of identity outside the family realm.

While around 80% of those rival sibling relationships do improve, navigating high school can seem impossible while you’re in the thick of it.

If you’re worried about surviving high school with a twin, here are some tips and tricks to getting through with your twin unscathed.

Don’t get wrapped up in social media

It’s estimated that 72% of teens use Instagram, a popular photo-sharing app that has nearly one billion monthly users. While this app and other apps like it are great for the occasional laugh and post, using them too often can be dangerous. More and more teens are getting bullied on Instagram as friendships come and go and rivalries are established between siblings, friends, and more. It’s estimated that 59% of teens have experienced bullying online and more than one-fifth of these teens have been bullied on Instagram for seemingly innocuous reasons.

Whether it’s because of an embarrassing comment or a mean friend who wants revenge, social media can be a blessing and a curse. Expecting a fledgling teen to craft the perfect Instagram page is a shot in the dark.

Don’t put too much pressure on romance

It’s estimated that between 40% and 50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. This sad fact may hurt to hear, but it’ll help when you experience your first break up.

High school relationships don’t have to last forever, and the old adage of a high school sweetheart is becoming increasingly rare. Don’t be afraid to break up with someone who isn’t right for you. Luckily, you can remember that your twin will always have your back when you need a box of tissues.

Find positivity wherever you go

Relying on your twin as a point of positivity in high school can be a great option when you’re stressed out. Having separate groups of friends is both healthy and common, but it’s always nice to know that someone has your back during times of duress.

If your twin isn’t available, try finding creative outlets to inspire positivity. In a recent report at the Cleveland Clinic, over 60% of patients felt less stressed when the hospital introduced a contemporary art collection.

Try hanging your favorite photos in your locker and creating a safe space with contemporary art in your home to unwind and relax. Taking care of your mental health in high school is essential.

Keep in mind stress is normal

Stress is a normal part of high school. Whether you’re experiencing the first issues of sibling rivalry with your twin or you’ve recently gone through a break-up, high school has many twists and turns that will make you a better person in the end.

Try to enjoy high school with your twin to the best of your ability. Even though it might not be as cool as the movies make it out to be, surviving high school with a twin at your side can be a gift. And hey, it’s only four years.

Then you can start stressing about college.

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://twinsmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/icon.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Marley DeRosia holds a BA in English and Creative Writing from SUNY Geneseo. She likes the finer things in life, like recycling and perfecting her inconsistent signature.[/author_info] [/author]

 

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8 questions teachers wish parents would ask in Parent-Teacher conferences https://twinsmagazine.com/8-questions-teachers-wish-parents-would-ask-in-parent-teacher-conferences/ https://twinsmagazine.com/8-questions-teachers-wish-parents-would-ask-in-parent-teacher-conferences/#respond Fri, 07 Sep 2018 21:07:18 +0000 https://staging2.twinsmagazine.com/?p=922057 Parent-teacher conferences are the ideal time to connect and collaborate with your children’s teachers. Rather than a surprise at report card time, support from everyone involved is the key to your kids successes. Parents of twins face some unique challenges when it comes to schooling and it can sometimes seem overwhelming. So consider some of […]

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Parent-teacher conferences are the ideal time to connect and collaborate with your children’s teachers. Rather than a surprise at report card time, support from everyone involved is the key to your kids successes. Parents of twins face some unique challenges when it comes to schooling and it can sometimes seem overwhelming. So consider some of these questions that teachers would like to answer during for you during your next parent-teacher meeting.

Also Read: 5 tips to advocate for your children’s education

How can I help support my child’s education?

Listen to the teachers and share your own expectations for the school year. Your twins’ success rely on a strong sense of respect and partnership between all of the people involved in their education.

What is your homework philosophy?

Studies show that parents should be engaged in the process of learning at home, beyond simply monitoring whether or not the students are doing homework. Ask your kids’ teachers how you can best keep track of their progress on an ongoing basis, and how you can support their classroom learning from home.

What are the best ways for me to help in the classroom?

If you have the time, volunteers for class trips or fundraisers are always appreciated. Teachers are also always grateful for donations of supplies: tissue boxes, hand sanitizer, art supplies, and books are some things their classroom may need.

How do you prefer to be contacted?

Email, text, social media, oh my! With so many options available, please ask which method the teacher prefers for communication.

Open lines of communication between parents and teachers are essential to student success. You should understand a teacher’s preferred method of contact and use it often. It’s also important to respect boundaries while staying engaged. Your children will reap the benefits of a collaborative and supportive parent-teacher relationship.
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Any do’s and don’ts parents should know ahead of each of their twins’ parent-teacher conferences?

Do ask questions.
Do get involved.
Don’t feel overwhelmed or guilty if you have limited time.
Do explain your twins’ individual learning styles and any educational strengths and challenges they may have.
Don’t forget to listen to the teacher.

What should parents be doing to establish a good channel of communication with their twins’ teacher(s)?

Open lines of communication between parents and teachers are essential to student success. You should understand a teacher’s preferred method of communication and use it often. It’s also important to respect boundaries of communication while staying engaged.

What is the biggest challenge teachers face in the classroom?

Teaching is often a ratio of 1:30or higher. Having you involved puts one more person in the educator column. This is essential.

What happens at home has an immense, often underappreciated impact on a child’s ability to learn in the classroom. Establishing morning and evening routines, getting enough sleep, feeding the kids a healthy breakfast and lunch, and making sure they aren’t stressed when they arrive at school are all invaluable.

How can parents best use what they learn during parent-teacher conferences to help each of their twins?

Twins parent-teacher

Follow through on what you discuss with the teacher. So often, parents receive a lot of handouts and information and file it away in a drawer, never to be visited again. It’s important for you to apply what you learn at parent-teacher conferences to understand how your kids are performing now and how to support future learning.

 

Hilary Scharton is the Vice President of K-12 Product Strategy for Canvas, the open online learning management system (LMS) that makes teaching and learning easier. In her role, she sets the strategic vision for how Canvas makes its products even more awesome for students and teachers across the globe, while focusing on leveraging technology to support improved instruction and equitable access for all students.

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Focus on Me not We: 5 Tips to Advocate for Your Children’s Education https://twinsmagazine.com/focus-on-me-not-we-5-tips-to-advocate-for-your-childrens-education/ https://twinsmagazine.com/focus-on-me-not-we-5-tips-to-advocate-for-your-childrens-education/#respond Fri, 16 Dec 2016 12:24:05 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=522 By Shawnta S. Barnes As an educator who is a mother of identical twin boys, it is important my fellow educators understand best practices for children who are multiples.  In my classroom, I have had one half of a twin set and both twins together.  My experience thus far as an educator and a parent […]

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By Shawnta S. Barnes

As an educator who is a mother of identical twin boys, it is important my fellow educators understand best practices for children who are multiples.  In my classroom, I have had one half of a twin set and both twins together.  My experience thus far as an educator and a parent of multiples has taught me when educators focus on twins as a “we” instead of an individual “me,” they are not providing an optimal learning environment for academic and social development.  I offer five tips to help parents advocate for their multiples.

1. Know your school’s multiples classroom placement policy.

Many schools have a policy, where multiples are placed in separate classrooms.  It is best to know your school’s policy at least one year before your child enrolls in elementary school.  If your twins have not had the opportunity to have separate experiences, you can use the year prior to formal schooling to prepare them for separation.  Our children’s elementary school allows the parents to choose whether multiples are in the same classroom or not.  If you have the choice, school staff may still suggest you should separate your twins.  You have spent the most time with them and will know what is best.  Our boys were in the same classroom for preschool during the first semester, but in separate classrooms at two different schools during the second semester.  When they begin kindergarten in August, they will be enrolled in separate classrooms at the same school.  Although, my husband and I knew our boys could remain together in kindergarten, we knew it made no sense to place them back together after a successful second semester being separated in preschool.

2. Help your twin understand their classroom experience.

Even if your twins are ready for separate classrooms, they may not understand how different each of their classes might be. In her book, Emotionally Healthy Twins:  A New Philosophy for Parenting Two Unique Children, Joan A. Friedman, Ph.D, shares this script, “Life isn’t always fair or equal.  And your life will always be different from your brother’s which is what makes each of you so special.” I have found this script helpful to explain to our boys why different experiences are okay.  This script is beneficial to also share with your children’s teachers.  It might not sink in the first few times or when emotions are blocking out logic, but we had a breakthrough after our boys were in separate classes.  Jeremiah was invited to a birthday party and my husband and I were worried about James’ potential response.  He put us at ease when he said, “Kids in my class have birthdays too and I’m sure I will be invited to a party one day.” It’s to your children’s benefit to learn how to cope with experiences that differs because it will help their emotional and social development.

3. Acknowledge, but don’t compare academic milestones.  

Each child should be praised for his or her accomplishments.  When one twin has a special need or struggles with an academic subject, it will impede the child’s progress if the child believes the bar is the success of his or her twin.  When scheduling parent/teacher conferences schedule one for each child and not for your twins as a unit.  Do not allow a twin to be present at its sibling’s conference.  One of our son’s has an anxiety diagnosis.  It is important his brother is not privy to conversations about him, so he does not feel as if he is being compared.

4. Teach your children to advocate for their own individuality.

Part of navigating school as a twin is learning to develop as an individual and being known by others for what makes you, you.  When other students refer to your twins as “the twins” or “hey twin” what is being acknowledged is the fact they are siblings who have the same birthdate.  They are seen as only a unit or part of a unit and not known for who they truly are.  We have taught our boys to kindly say, “My name is Jeremiah” or “My name is James” when children do not refer to them by their names.  If it becomes a significant issue, have a conversation with the teacher to explain your concerns.

5. Visit your twins at school.

Even if you have a great relationship with the teacher, it is beneficial to observe your children at school.  This is a way to learn how your child is coping at school and if there are any concerns to address.  Both my husband and I, individually, visited our sons at preschool.  When our sons were in the same class, there was an unhealthy dynamic.  One of our sons felt it was his responsibility to parent and look after his brother.  They were not interacting with other children unless the child would play with both of them at the same time.  This prompted us to separate our boys the second semester.  Although there was another preschool class at their current school, we decided another preschool would be a better placement for our son and it was.  Because his brother was not present, he had to make his own decisions.  We learned what his true interests were; he was truly a different child.

This is not an all-inclusive list, but I have found these five tips to be beneficial when advocating for your children.

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Keeping Twins Together or Separate in the Classroom… A Parent’s Dilemma https://twinsmagazine.com/keeping-twins-together-or-separate-in-the-classroom-a-parents-dilemma/ https://twinsmagazine.com/keeping-twins-together-or-separate-in-the-classroom-a-parents-dilemma/#respond Sun, 16 Aug 2015 17:59:53 +0000 http://copywriterweekly.com/?p=525 By Christa D. Reed The summer is flying by and here we are almost at the start of another school year.   It seems like as my fraternal twins get older, the years seem to fly by even faster and faster and I find myself questioning why time is so fleeting?  My twin boys will soon […]

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By Christa D. Reed

The summer is flying by and here we are almost at the start of another school year.   It seems like as my fraternal twins get older, the years seem to fly by even faster and faster and I find myself questioning why time is so fleeting?  My twin boys will soon be starting their senior year in high school and only have one more “first-day” to go this year… To me, it feels like it was just yesterday when they went to their very 1st day of Kindergarten!

Sending your twins to school may seem like it is so far away when you are in the thick of diaper changes, feedings, potty training and toddler-hood.  Life with multiples is a whirl-wind at every stage and the “school-age” years arrive seemingly without warning!

We are lucky to live in an area where our school district allows parents to choose whether their twins will be together or separate in the classroom.  When my boys started Kindergarten, they were placed in separate classrooms that were right next door to each other. Separating the boys worked well for them and they adjusted quickly to their own respective classrooms and friends and also seemed to enjoy spending more time together after school and on the weekends, too.  My twins are completely different and one definitely excels more than the other academically and there are marked differences in their rate of retention, etc.

We placed them in separate classrooms in 1st and 2nd grade as well.  By having them in separate classes, I quickly realized that they had teachers that were very different and had completely different teaching styles.  It was much more of a challenge for me to keep on top of everything since often they were learning subjects at different times based on the teacher they had.

If your schedule allows, I highly recommend that you spend time at their school, volunteer and get to know the teachers at the school.  It makes it much easier for you as a parent to advocate for your children and to request a teacher that best matches each of your twins’ learning styles.  When you are familiar with the teachers and climate at the school, it is much easier for you to identify where your kids should be placed.

At the end of 2nd grade, I already had a good idea of which 3rd grade teacher I wanted for both of my boys and that just so happened to be the same teacher. For the first time since pre-school my twins were together again in the classroom for 3rd grade.  It worked well and was nice to have them doing the same homework at the same time and they both had successful years.  In 4th grade, I had just delivered my fourth son and felt like it would be much easier and better for our family (and my sanity) to keep them together again.  But, it was in 4th grade where I started noticing much more of a shift in peer perceptions and this is when fellow classmates started to compare my twins which made them both feel bad, especially when they would say to the twin that struggled more in school…”why aren’t you like your brother?” or “Why is your brother so much better than you in everything?” type of questions.  This really made my son feel bad about himself and I knew right then, the very best thing for my boys moving forward would be to make sure in the 5th grade they were in separate classrooms once again.  This was the best move for them and they both had a successful 5th grade year as well.

Now, after going through middle school and almost through high school, they have only been in one class together and that was their sophomore year when they were both in choir. Looking back, we believe that we did the right thing when our twins needed it.  Despite whether your school has a policy in place or not, don’t let anyone tell you what is best for YOUR children.  Keeping them together or separate is a choice best made by you!

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